Accessories for Girls

Being one of my t-shirts is not an easy task. You get beat up all day long and then washed improperly at some point, if washed at all, before being thrown in the "clean" pile on my floor. One of the advantages of living a completely disorganized existence is that things like laundry are really simple.

When I drag my pitiable body out of bed each morning, it is very easy for me to get dressed. I always wear t-shirts and they are always in a big, messy lump of clothes at the foot of my bed. My clean clothes pile is much different then my dirty clothes pile, because it is much smaller and closer to my hand when I sit on the edge of my bed.

After waking up, you get to enjoy some morning stretches as one of my t-shirts. Because I am an unhealthy blob of a man, most of my t-shirts don't fit me so well anymore. This is rectified by putt my shirt on only halfway and jamming my elbows outward to literally jam the tee over my body more comfortably.

As one of my t-shirts, breakfast time is perhaps one of the saddest parts of your day. Since I always eat breakfast like a champion, even if I wake up at lunch, my mind is not exactly sharp and focused for this meal. As such, my t-shirt gets to eat breakfast with me. A little grease here, a little spilt milk there, and then we're out the door and on our way.

Just because you're a t-shirt, doesn't mean that's the only role you're going to serve all day long. I am constantly in need of something to wipe my hands on after I do such mundane tasks as pump gas, change the oil, or just eat lunch. I may be messy, but I like for my hands to stay nice and clean and t-shirts are just so...convenient.

Depending on the severity of your appearance, you may end up going back into the "clean" clothes mound at the bottom of my bed. It is entirely possible that you did not suffer too many noticeable stains and can be worn again the next day. If this is so, then you are one of the lucky t-shirts. The unlucky t-shirts must go...to the wash.

Your experience in the washing machine with the other dirty t-shirts is not a pleasant one. I have learned a long time ago that it takes really hot water to get out most food stains, so you are punished severely for my sloppiness. You will most likely shrink, but your ritual morning-stretching will return you to the appropriate shape and size.

Let us all hope for your sake that people never get reincarnated into inanimate objects. Most people are good, but a few may be awful enough to be sent back to earth as one of the t-shirts belonging to a socially awkward, disorganized, fat nerd.